Prometheus Pyrphoros

Late December and Mother Nature sprawls unconscious, magnificently exhausted by her nine-month orgy of blossom and bloom. Many gardeners use this time of respite as a period of reflection, a time to review the successes and failures of the previous year and to plan for the next. These ‘gardeners’ think that because not much is growing, and because they’ve worked so very hard all year long, that somehow they are entitled to sneak inside, to sip full-fat milk and flip through seed catalogues. This is not so. When you sell your soul to the garden you reap the rewards in balmy summer, and in the frigid winter, you pay. To be a real gardener requires at least a show of year-round faith, even in February.

But how to reconcile the need for sacrifice with mans desire not to get depressed and really cold? Impossible? No! As the botanical Prometheus I here defy the gods of horticulture and bring you the secret to enjoyable winter gardening. No longer will you spend the months of penance defrosting borders with a hairdryer. No longer will your hands freeze to your gloves and your gloves freeze to your wheelbarrow and your carpet get ruined. No longer will each day end with a tearful promise never to garden again. I bring you fire. A bonfire.

Ben of Ben's Garden

A bonfire is to midwinter as a picnic is to midsummer; it is a spontaneous outpouring of lust life and lemonade. Like picnics, bonfires should not be overly planned they should just happen.  Bonfires clear gardens without requiring any conscious effort, who doesn’t remember running around their parents’ garden joyously pulling up sticks and benches and watering cans to throw into the fire. Light a bonfire in your garden and before you know it every scrap of rubbish will have been burned, it’s just such good fun to burn things.

As well as providing some valuable outside hours for the winter gardener, bonfires provide social relief for the usually solitary horticulturalist. My friends rarely seem enthusiastic when I call them to say ‘hey I’m about to mow the lawn. Do you fancy coming along?’ and those that do turn up to watch only do so out of a sense of obligation.  But if I telephone with the promise of fire an exited turnout is almost guaranteed. Bonfires also give off a lovely woody smoky aroma that clings to spectators and means that you can smoke cigarettes without my girlfriend finding out.   

So this winter don’t give up on gardening, just light a bonfire, open a bottle of red wine and try to convince yourself its hard work.