Mail order plants

Britain is in the postmans death-grip, the royal mail is on strike! business has ground to a halt and lives shall surely be lost. I personally am waiting for a bag of Narcissus ‘Golden Harvest’ ordered weeks ago. No doubt they are busily sprouting in some dark and humid sorting office, warmed by the slow composting of 100,000 bills and birthday cards. To amuse myself while I sit motionless in the hallway, I have started writing poetry. I call this Poem daffodils.


I pondered lonely but out loud

Why through my door came only bills,

When I had ordered, I avowed

A sack, of sodding daffodils;

Now screw the lake, and blow the trees,
I want my trumpet flowers please.*

If anyone high up in whatever union the postmen are in is reading this, could you please get your mates to go back to work. If I don’t receive my bulbs by the end of the week I shall lead all the worlds garden bloggers in counter strike, and no one will ever know how to make leaf mould or what garden tasks need doing in November!

*With fondest apologies W. Wordsworth.


A Gardener writes….

Being both a gardener and a blogger is a life that many of us have lusted over, to commune with the flowers of nature and of humanity, what vocation could be higher?

Well Let me tell you, its not all peaches and screen, this life has its downsides. So as we enter that slow slide towards the inevitable morning in late January when I wake up crying (autumn) its time to prepare this new ground with a couple of wheelbarrows of well rotted pessimism.

Problems With The Life of The Gardener Blogger.

1)      Muddy keyboards, it is not labour costs or libel suits that cause most GardenBloggers to go bust, it’s the price of hardware.

2)      Garden Parties, would you invite Gordon Ramsey to your dinner party? No. Would you invite me to your Garden Party? No, because you think I would tell you its s*** and that you were a ******* ****. I’m certain this is why I don’t get invited to any garden parties. I can assure you that were I to go to your garden party I’d just want to have a few beers and a chat, underneath the intimidating Garden Blogger exterior I’m just a human being, just like you.

3)      Plants, they grow to slowly or too fast and the ones you love are always the first too die.

Right that’s enough depression for one day. Coming up next. An interview with Ben of Bensgardenblog and my fantasy garden.